Banter 68: Is it possible to talk ourselves/others down from the ledge of extremism? How would this happen?

Friday, November 18th at 7pm

At Annette's house (Zoom option for out-of-towners)

Your trusty founder here: This topic did not get my vote & I even encouraged a friend or two to vote otherwise so we could talk of anything but this one. But, alas, the majority spoke. Why the aversion, the cognitive inflexibility, if you will? The answer is two- or threefold. 

From a banter perspective, we said from the start we would never talk politics for a topic in this group, since we can do that in plenty of other social circles if so inclined. From a personal perspective, I feel fatigued by extremism's plentiful nature currently on the world stage, so I'm not keen to fold it also into lovely, cozy banter nights. Also, I experience leaden-eyed despair when faced with the glazed over look of an extremist talking at you, or anyone glazed over talking, talking, talking & not engaged in anything like mutuality or curiosity. I fear that even talking about those who talk like this will feel akin to that glazed over look. And, lastly, my more ungrudging reason, I'm uncomfortable with the question itself. It seems to imply a hierarchy or a savior role, or one person in the right vs. the one tipping off the ledge, when aren't we all prone to these same mind conditions, these tendencies toward fairly massive cognitive distortions? And isn't one of those massive cognitive distortions to be quite easily convinced that we are saviors of others who are distasteful or less good than ourselves?

So, I posed my groans to Anna Stene, formerly in CFalls, now in Brooklyn for three years, and she graciously listened. Between the two of us we played with the topic in the below ping ponging convo:

Instead of focusing on saving others, couldn't it be how do I talk myself from the ledge of non-helpful thinking patterns, etc.? Suddenly that I'm very interested in, but not at all when it has some sort of savior complex, liberal or not.

What if it wasn't a free for all on any arena but we could only talk about areas where we brush up against extremism in our own belief systems and how that impacts our relationships?

...there I see hope and possibility of bridge building if I start with my self and my own mind inclinations and my own relationships. If we all do that together we might get closer to the root of this topic.

If it was about our own tendencies towards extremism and again- maybe disqualify religion and politics - that self reflection could get very interesting or turn into a therapy session

I love that mode of not being righteous or woke, but being real that we are all able to drink the kool aid.

Another angle could be, what happens when I experience it (extremism) in someone else in a personal way (i.e., not religious/political)? Like in a lover or a family member?

So, you see why I've added "ourselves/" to the topic title since you voted. This leaves room for us to keep a sly eye on others while also noting our shared mental processors & social grouping proclivities as we dangle off the ledge of this topic.

Some pre-reading that might be useful to either talking oneself or others from the ledge of distorted cognitions: 

1. The most common cognitive distortions humans are prone to, summarized with examples: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/

2. Research article "Cognitive Inflexibility Predicts Extremist Attitudes": https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00989/full

3. Pop psychology article about cognitive rigidity: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-sense-autistic-spectrum-disorders/201608/cognitive-rigidity-the-8-ball-hell

4. Pop psych. article about how we can all build more cognitive flexibility: https://www.betterup.com/blog/cognitive-flexibility

5. The most to-point article about the original topic posed is from the BBC. This article explores the best ways to help people exit extremist mindsets, which are not the standard ways we tend to employ like judgement, feeling baffled, talking badly about the group they are part of, etc.: "How do you prevent extremism?" - https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190501-how-do-you-prevent-extremism

6. Article "What Do Former Extremists and Their Families Say About Radicalization and Deradicalization in America?":

https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RBA1071-1.html

Banter 67: Are you the same person you used to be? For how long will you be the same person you are now?

 

Thursday, October 27th at 6pm

at Sabine’s house

Topic:  We’re going with a rendition of Jared’s topic. He wrote in April, "when do we make and when can we break promises we make to ourselves? Are we even the same people in the future?” Looking back at this made me think of the Aug. 26th This American Life episode - Me Minus Me: “When a fundamental part of yourself changes dramatically, are you still who you thought you were?” It’s a compelling episode. Also, the New Yorker just had a neat, related article, "Are You the Same Person You Used to Be?”

Listen to This American Life’s Aug. 26th episode here or wherever you access podcasts: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/778/me-minus-me

The New Yorker article is here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/10/10/are-you-the-same-person-you-used-to-be-life-is-hard-the-origins-of-you?

Please prep for the topic ahead of time by listening to & reading the above so we can all reference some of the same material outside of our own thoughts and opinions. Thoughts, opinions, feelings, experiences, confirmation biases also welcome, of course, for what would we be without those things.