Banter 72: Hygge

Date: Sunday, November 19th at 6pm

Location: Sabine's house

Zoom option: Zoom link emailed out (or ask Sabine if you can't find it)

With some trepidation about sounding new agey, as we northern hemisphere dwellers shift into the tilt away from the sun & the dark hours grow long, our patterns and moods change. Some people like the shut-in, hibernation quality of this portion of our year, while others stay buoyant through strapping skis or skates to feet for as many hours as they can fit in. Sauna culture is another angle on making winter and coldness feel fun vs. something to merely survive. 

Hygge - a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture) - isn’t reserved for fall and winter only, though it surely comes to mind more then. Not surprisingly, this developed among some fellow northern hemisphere residents. Most / all? cultures that deal with extended winter (incl. south hemisphere dwellers) surely have their hyggelig practices and customs. We know that mental health struggles increase greatly for humans in the winter months, with sad self-harm statistics in Montana being all too well known to most of us, along with great increases in alcohol consumption this time of year and other trends that indicate attempts at coping. 

Well before hygge was a trendy hipster / bourgeoisie concept in the US, ski bum Whitefish, for example, was hanging twinkle lights along rooftops not just for Christmas but Nov-March to alight the streets with cozy factor, gathering in roasty warm pubs (for the alcohol load, yes, but also for the camaraderie and closeness), holing up with friends and family at potlucks, meeting at the Moose lodge for bingo nights, having 7am coffee at a cordoned-off corner table at the Buff, taking part in ski torch parades & lining nordic paths with lanterns at night, hanging feed for the townie birds and squirrels, baking muffins, lighting old world candle chimes, and all the things we each do to help each other to arrive to the long-lit, effortlessly joyous days of summer once again. 

So, we gather in hyggelig manner this second most dark month of the year. 

Some mellow prep materials on the topic:

• "Indian take on Danish hygge" - short stand up comedy act: https://youtu.be/cHocWPV7HL8?feature=shared

• A New Yorker article, "The Glossary of Happiness" - https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/the-glossary-of-happiness

Banter 71: Are white lies good or bad?

Upcoming topic: Are white lies good or bad? Do you engage in them? Do you sometimes feel it was the wrong decision? Do you fess up in those instances? Do you want to be told white lies? Do you lie to yourself sometimes? Can you share examples of when white lies brought people closer together? Can you share specific examples of when white lies created distance and disconnection in a relationship?

Topic from: Lavonne Burgard (thanks, Lavonne!)

Date: Monday, May 29th at 6:30pm 

Location: At Mitch's in Kalispell 

Zoom option: Emailed to group; if you didn't get the link, email Sabine.

Resources to spend time with before we meet to discuss:

Short overview article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/whats_good_about_lying

Short psychology article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/202210/do-white-lies-help-or-hurt-your-relationship

Scholarly article "The Dishonesty of Honest People": https://people.duke.edu/~dandan/webfiles/PapersDisHonesty/The%20Dishonesty%20of.pdf

These resources speak to related concepts that may be helpful to mull over too:

Hidden Brain podcast (50 mins):   https://www.npr.org/2018/08/30/643321125/can-you-handle-the-truth

Medium length article with a lot of historical quotes about lies, truth, lying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/ethics/lying/lying_1.shtml

Banter 70: Our collective human fascination with the macabre - why? what purpose does it serve?

Goosebumps book series is targeted at 9-12 year old readers

Upcoming Topic: Our historical and current fascination with the macabre in stories/podcasts/children fables/myths/tv shows/etc. What purpose does it serve us to be drawn to the macabre vs. being propelled away from it?

Date: Saturday, April 22nd at 6pm

Host: at Sabine’s house

Zoom option: See email from 3/17

Materials to spend some time with to help you think further about the topic: 

From Chris: Seems like there's a link between our need for mythology and our fascination with crime thrillers, but I couldn't find anything directly in Joseph Campbell. To support Chris’ train of thought, I found this tracing our historic fascination pre-podcast with the macabre: https://www.ancient-origins.net/artifacts-ancient-writings/true-crime-0016921

   

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, published 1886

Or, somewhat related, we can look to Carl Jung’s psychological concept of a shadow (the part of our psyche that harbours our darkest impulses). Here is a video explaining it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgLQWutNxKc

Here also is Joseph Campbell speaking about that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzYsi3SV1bY

Caravaggio’s painting of Medusa, 1597 (in the Uffizi, Florence, Italy)

From Sabine: Pretty basic, but not bad talking points on the topic: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/559256/why-we-love-true-crime

If you haven’t listened to any True Crime podcasts yet, maybe try your hand at an episode from one of NPR’s many: https://www.npr.org/podcasts/2069/true-crime

Or, consider an episode of a recent, Seattle-based, fictional crime / detective series I binged on, The Killing (on Hulu), based on the original Danish series, Forbrydelsen. This is not an American phenomenon, as Scandinavian crime shows are considered the best by film snob sorts, referring to them as Scandi Noir. Hate the title of the American version of this show, but man the character development of the two detectives is so well done, as are the moody Seattle specifics.

From Mitch: an SNL skit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4RdcE6H4Gs

Skim sections that interest you in this 200 page dissertation: https://scholarcommons.sc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=6644&context=etd#:~:text=Previous%20studies%20have%20shown%20that,drawn%20to%20female%20protagonists%20and

If you only have time to review the materials briefly, I’d suggest Mitch’s SNL skit first, then the first YouTube video explaining Jung’s shadow self concepts, and maybe the ancient-origins website link to get more sense of this not being a contemporary neuroses or new development in humans.

Banter 69: Digital Life, from a philosophy perspective

Date: Thursday, Feb. 23 at 6pm

Host: Annette

Topic: Digital Life, from a philosophy perspective

Nathan Dufour Oglesby is a philosopher who also creates YouTube and TikTok videos with a comedic focus (Nathanology), such as this one on the etymology of "Superbowl." 

Epicureanism, an ancient Greek philosophy known for its lessons on material existence and pleasure-seeking, can also be applied to living well on social media and the internet. Nathan Dufour Oglesby (who likes to put the fun in philosophy) explains:

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220901-the-epicurean-guide-to-digital-life

Banter 68: Is it possible to talk ourselves/others down from the ledge of extremism? How would this happen?

Friday, November 18th at 7pm

At Annette's house (Zoom option for out-of-towners)

Your trusty founder here: This topic did not get my vote & I even encouraged a friend or two to vote otherwise so we could talk of anything but this one. But, alas, the majority spoke. Why the aversion, the cognitive inflexibility, if you will? The answer is two- or threefold. 

From a banter perspective, we said from the start we would never talk politics for a topic in this group, since we can do that in plenty of other social circles if so inclined. From a personal perspective, I feel fatigued by extremism's plentiful nature currently on the world stage, so I'm not keen to fold it also into lovely, cozy banter nights. Also, I experience leaden-eyed despair when faced with the glazed over look of an extremist talking at you, or anyone glazed over talking, talking, talking & not engaged in anything like mutuality or curiosity. I fear that even talking about those who talk like this will feel akin to that glazed over look. And, lastly, my more ungrudging reason, I'm uncomfortable with the question itself. It seems to imply a hierarchy or a savior role, or one person in the right vs. the one tipping off the ledge, when aren't we all prone to these same mind conditions, these tendencies toward fairly massive cognitive distortions? And isn't one of those massive cognitive distortions to be quite easily convinced that we are saviors of others who are distasteful or less good than ourselves?

So, I posed my groans to Anna Stene, formerly in CFalls, now in Brooklyn for three years, and she graciously listened. Between the two of us we played with the topic in the below ping ponging convo:

Instead of focusing on saving others, couldn't it be how do I talk myself from the ledge of non-helpful thinking patterns, etc.? Suddenly that I'm very interested in, but not at all when it has some sort of savior complex, liberal or not.

What if it wasn't a free for all on any arena but we could only talk about areas where we brush up against extremism in our own belief systems and how that impacts our relationships?

...there I see hope and possibility of bridge building if I start with my self and my own mind inclinations and my own relationships. If we all do that together we might get closer to the root of this topic.

If it was about our own tendencies towards extremism and again- maybe disqualify religion and politics - that self reflection could get very interesting or turn into a therapy session

I love that mode of not being righteous or woke, but being real that we are all able to drink the kool aid.

Another angle could be, what happens when I experience it (extremism) in someone else in a personal way (i.e., not religious/political)? Like in a lover or a family member?

So, you see why I've added "ourselves/" to the topic title since you voted. This leaves room for us to keep a sly eye on others while also noting our shared mental processors & social grouping proclivities as we dangle off the ledge of this topic.

Some pre-reading that might be useful to either talking oneself or others from the ledge of distorted cognitions: 

1. The most common cognitive distortions humans are prone to, summarized with examples: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/

2. Research article "Cognitive Inflexibility Predicts Extremist Attitudes": https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00989/full

3. Pop psychology article about cognitive rigidity: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-sense-autistic-spectrum-disorders/201608/cognitive-rigidity-the-8-ball-hell

4. Pop psych. article about how we can all build more cognitive flexibility: https://www.betterup.com/blog/cognitive-flexibility

5. The most to-point article about the original topic posed is from the BBC. This article explores the best ways to help people exit extremist mindsets, which are not the standard ways we tend to employ like judgement, feeling baffled, talking badly about the group they are part of, etc.: "How do you prevent extremism?" - https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190501-how-do-you-prevent-extremism

6. Article "What Do Former Extremists and Their Families Say About Radicalization and Deradicalization in America?":

https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RBA1071-1.html

Banter 67: Are you the same person you used to be? For how long will you be the same person you are now?

 

Thursday, October 27th at 6pm

at Sabine’s house

Topic:  We’re going with a rendition of Jared’s topic. He wrote in April, "when do we make and when can we break promises we make to ourselves? Are we even the same people in the future?” Looking back at this made me think of the Aug. 26th This American Life episode - Me Minus Me: “When a fundamental part of yourself changes dramatically, are you still who you thought you were?” It’s a compelling episode. Also, the New Yorker just had a neat, related article, "Are You the Same Person You Used to Be?”

Listen to This American Life’s Aug. 26th episode here or wherever you access podcasts: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/778/me-minus-me

The New Yorker article is here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/10/10/are-you-the-same-person-you-used-to-be-life-is-hard-the-origins-of-you?

Please prep for the topic ahead of time by listening to & reading the above so we can all reference some of the same material outside of our own thoughts and opinions. Thoughts, opinions, feelings, experiences, confirmation biases also welcome, of course, for what would we be without those things.

Banter 66 - Who is Vivian Maier?

Topic: Who is Vivian Maier?

Date: Saturday, November 13th at 5pm-6:30pm

Location:  Sabine's living room, maybe.  Windows open, masks most of the time?  (Zoom for those who feel uncomfortable with that or who are faraway.)

Self-Portrait, 1954

It might be nice to do a mix of discovering the answer to this question via exploration on our own, and additional exploration / sharing together when we meet up.

A good starting spot could be (choose your own adventure):

A. Watch the 2013 film Finding Vivian Maier (on Amazon Prime, YouTube, AppleTV).

B. Look through some of her 100,000 found negatives (in books, website with her name, etc.). 

Reversing A & B could work equally well. 😊

Then perhaps explore her biography (in books, articles, website with her name) on your own.  This could be step C.

Here's that website with her name: http://www.vivianmaier.com/

Then perhaps sort out some info or musings (could be D.) about the make up and impulse and motivational differences in folks like Emily Dickinson or Vivian Maier who hole up their art like a lot of nuts in a tree, yet whose nuts turn out to be more exquisitely hazelnut and pecan than so many other hazelnuts and pecans that are so much more readily marketed, flounced about, and eaten.  Haha, realize that that last sentence is written by someone who still does not know very much at all about the answer to Who is Vivian Maier?

As you explore the above, please send related articles or materials you found to be cool to Sabine. Those will be posted here a week before we meet for others to check out as more prep material to look over.

When we meet, perhaps we can have some images of her photography up while we talk about all of the above.